2 posts tagged “antm”

The CW, Wednesday, 8pm

Week two, as us veterens know, means makeover week, which means tears and drama and this time was no exception.  We're still too early in the game for any of the girls to majorly stand out but usually the makeovers help that some.  Alas, I was rather unimpressed this cycle because most of the girls didn't get much of a change. Other shockers of the episode: Monique is still a bitch, Melrose has a little bit of crazy in her and Anchal actually seems to have a voice, even though I pegged her for being the quiet one.

The girls meet the Miss Jay and Jay Manuel for breakfast and Jay M tries to hook them up with some modeling advice.  Blah, blah, blah! I yawn, because I don't care.  I just want to see the shoots, the fighting and the crying and see these bitches go home!  Of course, the girls were anticipating makeovers and Miss Jay made a good point about how everyone's all excited to get a makeover but somebody usually ends up crying.  Jaeda, like an idiot, say she ready, her hair grows fast so they could make her bald if they wanted. Dunh-dunh-dunh!  Guess what you're going to end up getting, sweetie!

It wasn't until they returned to the house to find their living room was a salon and that Frederic Fekkai would be giving them their makeovers.  This time they had actually decided to have an artist rendering of what their makeovers would look like but that didn't matter, because overall, with most of the girls, the change wasn't all that dramatic.

But of course, these bitches cried and got all upset.  Jaeda cried because they made her cut her hair like Halle Barry's, all short and spiky-like.  It's not like she had hair down to her waist either - it was shoulder-length and I thought you said your hair grew fast?  Then Melrose cried because they were dying her blonde!  WTF? It's a dye-job.  It's not permanent.  CVS, L'Oreal, aisle three.  Put you right back to brunette if you don't win.  And Monique cried because people were going to see her without her weave? WTFWTF? Seriously? They're just going to reweave your hair.  Get over it you self-centered diva.  You knew it was coming.  To be honest though, her hair was looking a straight-up mess.  I don't know if I'd want people to see me that way either.

Others, of course, were happy with what they got.  Brooke went from cute blonde to sultry brunette and I thought it did a world of wonder.  Girlie was smokin' after her makeover.  Anchal had her hairline raised which made a big difference too because it elongated her face which I thought looked a little squishy before.  I would've preferred that they gave Megan longer hair because while the pixie cut was cut, I just wasn't feeling the plantinum crap.  Megg's, I thought, was horrible - like something out of a Whitesnake video and seriously, I know the eighties are back but if big hair starts coming back to, I'm starting a petition.  And the twins were still blah, just blah that looked like they had dipped their hair in Kool-Aid. 

The challenge was rather interesting.  They had to pick the proper CoverGirl makeup from the Queen collection (made by Queen Latifah so we already knew who was going to be the judge for this challenge), catch the elevator to one floor where they would stop and pick outfits then to another where they would get shoes and jewelry then put this all together for a signature look they would present at the top floor.  The catch was that they had thirty seconds on each floor and they had to be ready by the time they got to the top. 

And this is what irritates me about contracts because how are you going to put a no-hitting clause in a contract then put these girls in situation that calls for kicking, tripping and punches to the face.  Because seriously, I wouldn't last one minute.  I'd punch a bitch in the face because that's how I roll son.  But alas, there was no fighting and everyone made it to the elevator except poor little Megg, which is pretty damn pathetic if you can't even get off the ground.

Shots of them getting naked in the elevator and fighting over clothes and shoes.  Then HA HA, Monique doesn't make it back on the shoe floor and what makes this funny isn't that she doesn't make it but that all the other girls are happy she doesn't because she's such a bitch  and scared at the same time about the fact that she's probably going to take it out on them at the house.

In the end, Queen Latifah shows up to judge them and Eugena wins because of her use of the makeup and the color.  I don't really get many of the girls choices and the overall decision of this challenge but oh well, Eugena wins and chooses Caridee and Jaeda to share in her prize.  And just a side note, did anyone see Caridee expectantly raise her hand when they told Eugena she could pick two friends.  Like, I know you're going to pick me, pick me, pick me!  I would've skipped right over her had I seen that.

Back at the house, Monique pulls her bitch card again and decides she has to complain to her mother about how she didn't make it on the elevator for three hours.  Meanwhile, everyone in the house is trying to use the phone and Melrose is worrying because she needs to call her landlord to get her $1000 deposit back.  This, of course, makes Monique even more stubborn and as a result, she stays on the phone for three hours!  THREE HOURS! Oh hell no, see bitch would've been dead at this point.  Some of the girls went in and argued with her and it was weird to see Anchal actually open her mouth and get loud.  But there was nothing they could do and that's what frustrates me about this show and the lack of reality.  Because if someone tried to pull that kind of shit in a house full of girls, she would've been drug out of that room by her damn hair.  Alas, nothing was done and Monique walked out of the room all proud of herself which means her behavoir is only going to get worse and worse.  Yawn!  I am so over these bithes-for-reality tv girls.

 

Then they did the most brilliant thing ever and sent the girls to a photoshot where they would proceed to cover-up their brand new makeovers with these brilliantly covered and a bit hellacious weaves, styled by the Hair Wars weaveologists.  I've always thought those things were a bit ridiculous but the concept of the shoot was good for the girls, because they had to shine through the wigs and you had to see them in the photo, not the wig. 

Most the girls seemed to do well.  Monique does photograph beautifully but she's a bitch so I doubt she'll make it far.  Plus, Jay pointed out that there's no emotion there and that's probably because her insides are made of ice, but we'll see.  Anchal had a very pretty photograph (loved how the blonde contrasted with her dark skin) but I think everyone is so blown away by her beauty that she is coasting by on that.  That can only last for so long.  Brooke did well in her very weird red, white and blue patrotic wig and she got a lot of credit for not being safe, but overall, I didn't see much behind her photo.  She has a very bland face in it.  The

twins, Amanda and Michelle, did awesome in their photos.  I was amazed.  The girls need to hire a stylist everyday because if they had someone doing their makeup and hair, they really could look awesome.  It's a shame they look like crack whores otherwise.  I loved Amanda's little shoulder kiss and both of the girls really draw you into their eyes

in both pictures.  Megan got, in my opinion, the crappiest wig and she had a real hard time showing emotion in the picture.  Megg did okay.  She looks kind of funny with her mouth hanging out but I think her eyes were pretty in the picture aside from the fact she's not looking at the camera.  I love AJ but her picture kind of stunk.  The angle was all off and it really screwed up the way her nose looked.  And her mouth looked kind of funny in this picture.  Eugena had a problem with no emotion too and I definitely don't think her idea of that hand was going well in the picture.  I thought Caridee's picture was awesome, if only because she didn't turn her head

 to the side, open her mouth slightly and stare blanky into the distance.  She had a very fierce look about her and I really liked it.  Melrose's picture didn't really do it for me - she had the blank look on her face too and her angle was really off.  That side over the shoulder look isn't really doing it for me.  And finally, Jaeda struggled and struggled - she couldn't just draw it out at all. 

So the judging comes around and most of the photos were all so bland that it was hard to figure out who was staying and who was going.  And on a side note, when are they going to start doing the challenges at the judging too because those are always fun to watch? And on another side note, I liked Tyra's dress better this week, though I think I would've like it better if it didn't flare out again below the bustier but stayed straight instead.  The colors were rocking on her.

The final two ended up being Jaeda and Megan, and both were there because of the same problem.  They had trouble bringing emotion to the camera.  So ultimately is was going to be the one who had the most potential, which was Jaeda, based on the judgment that Megan's photo was the worst of the bunch.

Sad, because I liked Megan but true, because I didn't like her photo this week.  Then again, I preferred Megan over Jaeda so I was a bit disappointed. 

I'm sure my favorites will change as will everyone else's.  I'm sure I'll have to switch mine up anyway because the ones I like ultimately end up going home halfway through.

The CW, Wednesdays, 8pm

The return of a guilty pleasure is always so very sweet!  But don't get it twisted - I'm no bandwagon jumper, baby.  I've been with ANTM from day one.  I saw all the drama, the catfights, the tears and I saw them all win - Adrienne (that's Ms. Peter Brady to you!), Yoanna (eh ...), Eva "The Diva" (who I ultimately rooted for by the end), Naima (again, eh ...), Nicole (can't stand her!) and Danielle (I thought she was cute, but not enough to win).

All of that sucked me in and here I was again, anticipating another cycle and another two-hour premiere.  What always kills me about those is that the first hour is spent with bloat that ultimately sets you up for the next hour, the hour in which the thirteen girls who actually make it to the finals are introduced.  I don't really care about anyone but them but I guess it's fun to watch, albeit a bit boring at times.

We had to sit through the arrival of some thirty or so girls who were whisked away immediately after getting off a plane to take their initial pictures.  And damn did I feel sorry for some of them because they got off the planes looking a mess but I guess that'll teach next seasons girls that when you're flying to Top Model, you better work it from the moment you leave your little podunk town and step on that plane.  The girls are then whisked to a hotel to complete one on one interviews with the judges.  When they're not doing that, they're sizing each other up and chatting and making friends that they know they'll probably stab in the back in the end. 

There's usually too many girls running around in this pre-show for me to really commit them to my brain but there were a few gems.  I thought it was hysterical when Ginger, the pretty little blond Republican girl (and I don't say that meanly - that was part of her platform, that she worked on the staff of a Republican in the House of Representatives), said she was up for trying different things and that her conservative beliefs wouldn't hinder her progress on the show.  Later, she pretty much breaks down into tears when the girls have to do a photoshoot in the nude atop a building.  When they finally convince her to go up there (otherwise, it will be detrimental to her time on the show! DUH!) she does two frames and has to have Jaeda stand on the side with a towel ready to wrap around her every time she changed positions.  She's lucky it's the beginning and that Jaeda was nice because I would've been like "Bitch, get naked or get out!"  Because seriously, that's fine if you have such strong moral beliefs - but don't go on a show that's all about modeling and expect not to get naked at some point.  Didn't you watch the show, crazy?  All the girls of the past cycles had to get naked, why did you think things would be different?

Then there was Cyndel, the stripper, whose Mama apparently thought it was be nice to give her daughter the name of a character from Mortal Kombat.  I'm embarrased for even being able to make that reference, but whatever.  Cyndel apparently thought stripping gave her the open door to model and had the gall to stand in front of Tyra and compare modeling to stripping, saying they were pretty much one in the same.  She's lucky Tyra didn't get ethnic on her ($10 for anyone who can tell me where that reference is from) instead of just sitting there repeating over and over "No,it's not.  Modeling and stripping are not the same".  You could so tell she wanted to jump over the table and beat that girl in her already ugly face, but she kept her cool, which is why Tyra is the queen of fierce and Cyndel was sent back to the depths of the Underworld (i.e. her seedy little strip club in Kansas - would love to see what the rest of the girls look like there!).

There were two girls I liked who didn't make it.  Evita, who was very pretty and tugged at my heartstrings with her story of having her children at home and a husband in Iraq.  But that was her problem, she was pretty, that's it and she couldn't bring any emotion to her photos.  And then there was Jaslene, whose personality I liked, but after careful consideration, I realized she looked a little more manly than the competition called for.

Then we were down to elimination and these would be the girls I would care about.  The drama here was that there were two twins in the competition, Amanda and Michelle, and everyone was wondering if they would make it or what it would be like if one made it and the other didn't.  Of course, they did and they joined the other girls: Monique, Anchal, Megg, Megan, AJ, Melrose, Christian, Eugena, Caridee, Jaeda, Brooke and of course, Amanda and Michelle.

The Challenge: An informal runway walk for the design house Elmer Ave.  The girls had to strip some very yummy looking male models of their clothes, put them on with a feminine touch and walk the runway.  Immediately, I was much more impressed with these girls walks this cycle.  Some of them must have been practicing at home or something, because they had their shit together.  They could've used a little work, but that's why Miss J is for.  Overall, they did the best initial walks I've seen throughout all cycles.  As far as the clothes go, they need to work on their creativity.  Wearing the jacket with a belt tied around your waist and heels does not creativity make, especially when all of the OTHER girls, i.e. your competition, are doing the same thing.  Melrose ended up winning this challenge though and I think it was because she did the whole stick my tongue out rock and roll finger thing at the end.

The Accomodations: Pimped out Escalade and a pimped out house in Brentwood, styled as Tyra magazine, which we probably can now expect to be coming out soon. I mean Oprah's got one and Rachel Ray has one and they all have talk shows too, so why not Tyra?  The house was rather creepy as Tyra's face was EVERYWHERE - talk about Big Brother, no?  Of course, there were fun scenes as anyone would expect when you put thirteen women in the same living quarters together.  And WAIT, the producers mixed it up a little bit by supplying only ELEVEN beds.  That meant two girls would have to sleep on bean bags.  And well, Monique wasn't having that, so she moved Eugena's stuff off her bed, poured water on it and staked her claim by staying put and claiming she peed on it.  It's times like these when I wish these women didn't have a contractual obligation to NOT hit each other, because Eugena looked like she wanted to bust her ass and that I would have liked to see.  And to be frank, those "bean bags" were actually Love Sacs, which are ridiculously huge and amazingly comfortable.  Personally, I would've picked the Love Sacs over those tiny ass twin beds anyway.  Monique continued to place herself as the diva of the house when the girls had a meeting to set down rules that as grown adults, they should've already known, like pick up after yourselves and have respect for other people's stuff.  Apparently, their Mamas didn't raise them right and Monique's definitely didn't do something because girl was like "I'm not limiting myself to 15 minute showers.  I'm not changing up my routine for you".  She's good, but she's no Robin, Camille or Jade.

The Photoshoot: This was to be the girls first real photo challenge and was going to be the most controversial photo shoot on ANTM, EVAR!  When they show up, Tyra comes out acting IN-SANE!  Throwing things, yelling at people and screaming in some amazingly fucked up accent that seemed like it was a mish mash of nothing.  She was either doing a really bad job or an amazing job because you could tell she was scaring the shit out of the girls.  Once she fluttered off though, Jay Manuel proceeded to tell the girls that Tyra was reenacting model stereotypes and that would be the point of their shoot today.  Each of the girls would have to photograph as a model stereotype and they were as follows:

Monique - cell phone thrower
Anchal - narcissist
Megg - drug/addict alcoholic
Megan - diva with the lap dog
AJ - working the casting couch (i.e. sleeping with producers and directors and stuff)
Melrose - wouldn't get out of bed for less than ten grand a day
Christian - model turned actress/singer
Eugena - black girl the industry wanted to turn white
Caridee - dumb blonde
Jaeda - overabundance of plastic surgery
Brooke - backstabbing bitch
Amanda - anorexic
Michelle - bulimic

Funny? Yes.  Controversial? Probably only to Tyra's friends and fellow people in the industry.  The rest of us, not so much. 

Melrose will also be getting her prize for winning the challenge, which was to be pampered for the day.  She would get a personal assistant, get a massage and get to go last for the photoshoot.  This would ultimately be detrimental to her when the massage chair smudges her makeup and she insists it be fixed and ends up being ten minutes late for her shoot.  When she tries to defend herself, Jay Manual pulls out his bitch card and slings it back, basically telling her it's too early for her to be acting like a diva and to get the fuck up there and take her picture. 

I've always liked Jay, but I can see his inner backstabbing bitch qualities.  His comments to the girls as they take their pictures are funny but once a model gets on his bad side, watch out!  Total drama fest because I truly believes Jay has a tendency to blow things completely out of proportion which ultimately sucks for the girls during judging.

The Judging: With the move to a new network, they show has a whole new look, a new set and new grand prizes!!  Yay!  I couldn't tell you what they are though, because I don't really care.  I'm here for the drama, bitches, I could care less what happens to these girls afterwards (though mad props to Adrienne for snagging a Brady, even if he's a bit insane).  I'll tell you this though: if I have to hear Tyra say "You're still in the running towards becoming America's Next Model" in that breathy little overdramatic voice she uses towards EVERY girl on EVERY episode of EVERY cycle, I'm going to lose my damn mind.  Just say their names, they know what they're here for, dang!

 

The judges, however, have not changed.  Twiggy is back, playing the polar opposite to Janice Dickinson's diahhrea of the mouth judge from two cycles back.  Miss J Alexander is fabulous as ever (I love him!).  Nigel Barker is there in all his amazingly scrumptious glory - I love that man!  He is like sex on a stick!

And of course, there's Tyra and I just want to thank her stylists for getting rid of that awful red tinted hair she's had for the past two cycles or so.  But at the same time, someone told her it was cute to rock a shitload of hair, which really translated into a rat's nest, but she knew it and she called herslef out so I'm not hating.  However, she does look like she's gained a little weight, which in model terms and compared to the skinny little bitches she's judging, means she's probably a size 4 or something now.  Regardless, I saw she had a bit more curves than in the past and those dresses they picked for her were not flattering at all.

The Verdict: Of course, no one was perfect as this was just the beginning.  Everyone had issues to work on, whether it was photographing better or their attitude in person.  The final two were Melrose and Christian, though.  Melrose because of her diva attitude at the photoshoot and because the judges thought she photographed older than she looked, which was inherently true.  Christian because even though she impressed the judges with her knowledge of all things Tyra, mainly her signature poses, that was all she could give them - busted ass versions of Tyra's poses.  Therefore, her pictures sucked, she was boring and she went home.

Now we're down to twelve to fight the good fight.  The weeks ahead look like they're going to be a fun-filled ride.

Final Impressions:  I haven't quite picked out for who I'm rooting for yet, but I know there are some girls who are memorable and some who I could care less for.

 

Monique - slowly vying for the diva bitch of the season, but is a bit too pretty to fit that bill.  I think it's all an act.  She reminds of Danielle from last season.

Anchal - this girl is absolutely GORGEOUS!  And I was glad to see that she finally felt comfortable with her own eye color instead of the blue contacts she was sporting.  I think she's a little reserved though and she's going to have to amp up the personality a bit to get far in this competition.  If she can do this, I'd love to see her win.

Megan - reminds me a lot of Kyle from last season, with her androgynous look.  I do agree that she's definitely a bit more feminine.  She's pretty and I like her personality

but don't know enough about her yet.  I'd like to see her in the finals (she has an amazing sob story too, about her mother dying a plane crash when she was young and the only thing that kept her alive was the heat from her mother's body *tears*)

Megg - not impressed.  She not completely model pretty and she's a little overzealous with her rock and roll act.  I have a hard time believing she's that hardcore and not just playing it up for the camera.  She can pack her bags next week, kthxbi!

AJ - I love AJs look because she's different.  And it's because of that I don't know how far she'll make it.  I was very surprised to see the downfall in her self-confidence at judging considering in the pre-show, she showed amazing self-confidence.  If she doesn't pick that up, she's not going to make it far and that would be a shame because she owns her pictures.

Melrose - iffy about her.  I initially liked her personality but couldn't quite figure out her diva behavior at the shoot or her mom behavior in the house.  Maybe she's got some inner control demons.  While I think she has a pretty face, she does photograph older than she is and she's got to work on that bug eyed vacant stare that she's rocking in the photograph.

Eugena - again, not too impressed.  She's boring!  She's one of the characters that sort of fades into the background (they always have at least one on the Real World) and you forget about a few seasons later.  I would have liked to see her stand up for herself more with Monique, but boring = no drama and that's just what Eugena gives.  I found it funny though because she was downright mean at the beginning, making judgments on people and such.  Follow through, bitch!  Talk the talk AND walk the walk.

Caridee - she didn't have to work hard to pull of her dumb blonde photoshoot.  She's really nothing special, just another pretty blonde girl from the Midwest.  I didn't get much of an impression of her and I think she's just going to turn out to be the nice girl next door who can't seem to bring enough oomph to her personality.

Jaeda - Jeada said she was known as the "hot girl" in her high school, which makes me think she went to a school where the girls were either ridiculously butch or just straight up drag queens because the only "hot" thing Jaeda has going for her is that she's female.  Otherwise, she could pass real well at any drag show.  Is that an Adam's apple I see there?  Pack your bags sweetie!

Brooke - Brooke is cute.  She definitely has more of a personality than Caridee.  But I think her cuteness isn't going to take her far unless she steps up and makes herself known.  We'll see, but I don't think she's going to last.  (On a side note, she so has a Reese Witherspoon jaw and when you look at her in some shots, she looks just like her).

Amanda and Michelle, the twins - Shamefully for these two, they're going to have to work even harder than the rest of the girls because not only do they have to distinguish themselves from their competition but that have to separate themselves from each other.  Because everything I have to say about Amanda applies to Michelle and vice versa.  And none of it is really boring.  I find them blah!  They personify the whole cracked out anorexic model look and I don't see much of a chance for them.  TVGasm calls them the Grduge twins, because they look like the girl from the movie.  Then they go one to say "Is one of the prizes a chance to play Gollum's love interest when Peter Jackson remakes The Hobbit? Did they decide they need a set of twins to play zombies in Resident Evil 3?" and it's so completely true, I'm dying laughing.

So who knows where this cycle will take us, but considering this long ass recap/review, it better take us somewhere because I just spent all that time writing it and you spent all your time reading it.  Thanks bitches!